I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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