I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
