jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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