Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
