Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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