I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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