So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That's when you crack a 10am beer
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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