About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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