I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
