If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
