hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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