I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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