Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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