what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
