did you get engaged???
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
