I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
love makes seman taste better
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
