I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
