I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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