At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
