He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
