Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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