just come out here and I will go home with you...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
They have beer where we have blood.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
