So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
