I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
