If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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