She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
then he tried to convert me to islam
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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