Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
