And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
