it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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