i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
