The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
