I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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