I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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