Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
