Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
