The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
