The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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