I wannas sexs uuuuu
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
