i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
