i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
