Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
