Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
