Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
