I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
