I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
