how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
