Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
