if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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