he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
