YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
