you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
